It feels really good to type that. I have been mulling this post over and over in my brain- unsure of when to talk about this or what I was going to say. I'm still not sure what all to say but we will just roll with it for now!
I have worked for the same company for a better part of decade now- I was hired straight out of college and felt extremely blessed to be working in my field of study (Fashion Merchandising and Marketing). When I was 19 and started higher education I was really lost about what I wanted to do- I didn't feel like I was very good or talented in any particular area and when merchandising fell on my lap it felt good. And I was good at it. It was creative and social and for a few years I thrived there.
About two years ago I started getting this nagging voice in the back of my mind that told me I had to find something else to do with my life. As I have gotten older self discovery has been a really important role in my life- I have become very aware of our constant evolution as humans as we learn more, experience more, and create our own thoughts and ideals. In my own personal growth the thought that kept coming up was that I wanted to help people. Not help them find a dress to go to the club or jeans in the right size but I wanted to impact and make a positive change in peoples lives. I had to find my passion within this, and I had no idea what it could be. And to boot- everyone made finding their passions sound so easy! There are inspirational quotes galore on Pinterest, bloggers share how they found their passion all the time, and I felt like I must not have a passion if I couldn't identify it. Silly me!
As time went on I was more discontent with my job- I went through what I can only diagnose for myself as bouts of depression, I felt unmotivated and uninspired, and at times I felt physically ill to go to work. I currently commute for an hour so you can imagine how dark and negative those thoughts can get when by yourself for that long every day! I felt lost and there were a lot of what I called 'my existential crises' (these were mostly identified by me lying in bed or on the floor staring at the ceiling- for the clarity, you know?) sob fests on Nate's shoulder, and a lot of journal writing. What was I good at doing? What did I think I could see myself doing in 10, 20, 30 years? What got me excited? I had no idea!
But then this past year when I started really teaching myself about food and nutrition things started clicking. Nate and I talked about me going back to school and nutrition kept popping up as an option. I started catching myself daydreaming about how I could help people build better lives through their food and maybe one day opening my own wellness center. And I kid you not that during all of this I was still not accepting that this was my passion!
Through all of this I had been searching for jobs on the side- just seeing what was out there. I knew I didn't want retail but I just didn't know what. I finally found a listing for a weight loss center looking for nutritional consultants who would work with clients to eat and live better. I gave it a go and for the first time in 8 years I went through the interview process, and I nailed it! It felt good and it felt right. It was like the universe lined up and just zinged me the answer. It was such a relief!
Do I think this is my end all job? No- probably not. But it is getting me into an environment where I want to be, doing what I want to do, and hopefully I will be learning a lot along the way. I still have dreams of being my own boss so maybe one day I will get that opportunity open a wellness center, who knows? But what I want the moral of this story to be is ... finding your passion isn't always going to be easy. Some people may be blessed and know from a young age what they want to do with their lives, but for some of us I think it unveils itself at a time when you need it most.
And I am proud to say that I lived through those nights of sobs and existential confusion because it forced me to think about what it is I want out of life- and even today as I write this I wonder if nutrition and healthy living is my passion for life but I have to expel that doubt and believe that I am moving on to a new adventure that will be incredibly fulfilling.
So if you are in the midst of finding your path, stay true to yourself and know that at the right time it will all make sense ♥
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